The Stages of Creating Community
Communities, like individuals, are unique; still, we all share the human condition. So it is that groups assembled deliberately to form themselves into genuine community routinely go through certain stages in the process.
These stages, in order, are: pseudo-community, chaos, emptiness, and community.
Pseudo-community
The first response of a group in seeking to form a community is most often to try to fake it. The members attempt to be an instant community by being extremely pleasant with one another and avoiding all disagreement. This attempt — this pretense of community — is called “Pseudo-community.” It never works.
In pseudo-community, conflict is avoided and individual differences are suppressed. Nice people are so accustomed to being well-mannered that they are able to deploy their good manners without even thinking about what they are doing. In pseudo-community, it is as if every individual member is operating according to the same book of etiquette. The rules of this book are: Don’t do or say anything that might offend someone else; if someone does or says something that offends, annoys, or irritates you, act as if nothing happened and pretend you are not bothered in the least; and if some form of disagreement should show signs of appearing, change the subject as quickly and smoothly as possible — rules that any good hostess knows. It is easy to see how these rules make for a smoothly functioning group. But they also crush individuality, intimacy, and honesty, and the longer it lasts the duller it gets.
In the stage of pseudo-community, the group is characterized by polite interaction as individuals "test the waters" of relationship, operating on the assumption that group members have few differences that divide them. But as the members of the group begin to grow together, the previously unspoken differences begin to emerge. Typically, people deal with this discomfort by seeking to "fix" others or to "convert" people to their point of view. Pseudo-community then gives way to limited listening, high emotional energy, and a significant level of frustration. Everything feels chaotic.
Chaos
In the stage of chaos, individual differences are, unlike those in pseudo-community, right out in the open. Only now, instead of trying to hide or ignore them, the group is attempting to obliterate them. Underlying the attempts to fix and convert is not so much the motive of love, but the motive to quickly return everyone and everything to “normal” — and the motive to win, as the members fight over whose norm will prevail.
The stage of chaos is a time of fighting and struggle. This, in and of itself, is not the problem. Fully developed communities also fight and struggle, only they have learned to do so effectively. The struggle during chaos is chaotic. It is not merely noisy, it is unproductive. The disagreement that arises from time to time in a genuine community is loving and respectful and usually remarkably quiet — even peaceful — as the members work hard to listen to each other. Not so in chaos. If anything, chaos, like pseudo-community, is boring, as the members continually swat at each other with little or no effect. It has no grace or rhythm. Indeed, the predominant feeling an observer is likely to have in response to a group in the chaotic stage of development is despair. The struggle is going nowhere, accomplishing nothing, and relationships feel like they’re falling apart forever. It is no fun.
Since chaos is unpleasant, it is common for the members of a group in this stage to attack not only each other, but also their leader. “We wouldn’t be squabbling like this if we had effective leadership.”
In one sense, they are quite correct; their chaos is a natural response to a relative lack of direction. The chaos could easily be circumvented by an authoritarian leader — a dictator — who assigned them specific tasks and goals, with punishments for underperforming. The only problem is that a group led by a dictator is not, and never can be, a genuine community. Community and totalitarianism are incompatible, for then what holds the group together are rules and policies, and not love.
The proper resolution of chaos is not easy. Because it is both unproductive and unpleasant, it may seem that the group has degenerated from pseudo-community into chaos. But chaos is only dangerous if members settle for it and let it win. However, what if members were to see chaos as a stage of growth?
Emptiness
Emptiness is the hard part. It is also the most crucial stage of community development; it is the bridge between chaos and community. Emptiness begins when individuals stop depending on others to bring them peace. They take responsibility for their thoughts, their thought processes, and their reactions. During this stage, members begin to empty themselves of barriers to communication, including:
The stage of emptiness in community development is a time of sacrifice, and sacrifice hurts. Such sacrifice hurts because it is a kind of death, the kind of death that is necessary for rebirth. But even when we realize this intellectually, such dying is still a fearsome adventure into the unknown. Sometimes, members of the group will feel paralyzed between fear and hope — fear that the group is destructing, but hope that it is actually being reborn.
Community
The process of emptying provides room for a group to receive the gift of community. Differences still exist but they are no longer devastating. Instead, they are acknowledged, accepted, and transcended as people have committed, not to each getting his or her own way, but to being one Body in Christ. The people in community empathize with one another; there is a great level of understanding. Discussions, even when heated, never get sour and motives are not questioned. Members resolve conflicts with patience and grace. They listen and understand, respect each others’ gifts, accept each others’ limitations, celebrate their differences, and respectfully encourage each other to grow. They share each others’ pains, bind each others’ wounds, and commit to struggle for salvation together
rather than against each other.
A group in community is characterized by a sense of profound respect, appreciation, and joy. Everyone is stronger and wiser for having journeyed together. Then, the true meaning of community is realized — that there is no community without communion, and there is no communion without Christ.
Each of these stages — pseudo-community, chaos, emptiness, and community — is part of a healthy fellowship. The fellowship will continue to cycle through all the stages, and along the way will acquire skills that enable them to move confidently through the stages, instead of being stuck in places of division.
— adapted from Peck, M. Scott. The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace.
New York: Simon & Schuster, 1987.
These stages, in order, are: pseudo-community, chaos, emptiness, and community.
Pseudo-community
The first response of a group in seeking to form a community is most often to try to fake it. The members attempt to be an instant community by being extremely pleasant with one another and avoiding all disagreement. This attempt — this pretense of community — is called “Pseudo-community.” It never works.
In pseudo-community, conflict is avoided and individual differences are suppressed. Nice people are so accustomed to being well-mannered that they are able to deploy their good manners without even thinking about what they are doing. In pseudo-community, it is as if every individual member is operating according to the same book of etiquette. The rules of this book are: Don’t do or say anything that might offend someone else; if someone does or says something that offends, annoys, or irritates you, act as if nothing happened and pretend you are not bothered in the least; and if some form of disagreement should show signs of appearing, change the subject as quickly and smoothly as possible — rules that any good hostess knows. It is easy to see how these rules make for a smoothly functioning group. But they also crush individuality, intimacy, and honesty, and the longer it lasts the duller it gets.
In the stage of pseudo-community, the group is characterized by polite interaction as individuals "test the waters" of relationship, operating on the assumption that group members have few differences that divide them. But as the members of the group begin to grow together, the previously unspoken differences begin to emerge. Typically, people deal with this discomfort by seeking to "fix" others or to "convert" people to their point of view. Pseudo-community then gives way to limited listening, high emotional energy, and a significant level of frustration. Everything feels chaotic.
Chaos
In the stage of chaos, individual differences are, unlike those in pseudo-community, right out in the open. Only now, instead of trying to hide or ignore them, the group is attempting to obliterate them. Underlying the attempts to fix and convert is not so much the motive of love, but the motive to quickly return everyone and everything to “normal” — and the motive to win, as the members fight over whose norm will prevail.
The stage of chaos is a time of fighting and struggle. This, in and of itself, is not the problem. Fully developed communities also fight and struggle, only they have learned to do so effectively. The struggle during chaos is chaotic. It is not merely noisy, it is unproductive. The disagreement that arises from time to time in a genuine community is loving and respectful and usually remarkably quiet — even peaceful — as the members work hard to listen to each other. Not so in chaos. If anything, chaos, like pseudo-community, is boring, as the members continually swat at each other with little or no effect. It has no grace or rhythm. Indeed, the predominant feeling an observer is likely to have in response to a group in the chaotic stage of development is despair. The struggle is going nowhere, accomplishing nothing, and relationships feel like they’re falling apart forever. It is no fun.
Since chaos is unpleasant, it is common for the members of a group in this stage to attack not only each other, but also their leader. “We wouldn’t be squabbling like this if we had effective leadership.”
In one sense, they are quite correct; their chaos is a natural response to a relative lack of direction. The chaos could easily be circumvented by an authoritarian leader — a dictator — who assigned them specific tasks and goals, with punishments for underperforming. The only problem is that a group led by a dictator is not, and never can be, a genuine community. Community and totalitarianism are incompatible, for then what holds the group together are rules and policies, and not love.
The proper resolution of chaos is not easy. Because it is both unproductive and unpleasant, it may seem that the group has degenerated from pseudo-community into chaos. But chaos is only dangerous if members settle for it and let it win. However, what if members were to see chaos as a stage of growth?
Emptiness
Emptiness is the hard part. It is also the most crucial stage of community development; it is the bridge between chaos and community. Emptiness begins when individuals stop depending on others to bring them peace. They take responsibility for their thoughts, their thought processes, and their reactions. During this stage, members begin to empty themselves of barriers to communication, including:
- Expectations and Preconceptions. Until such time as we can empty ourselves of expectations and stop trying to fit others and our relationships with them into a preconceived mold, we cannot really listen, hear, or experience.
- Prejudices. Prejudice, which is more often unconscious than conscious, comes in two forms. One is the judgments we make about people without any experience of them whatsoever. Even more common are the judgments we make about people on the basis of very limited experience. One reason to distrust instant community is that community-building requires time — the time to have sufficient experience to become conscious of our prejudices and then to empty ourselves of them.
- The Need to Control. The need for control — to ensure a desired outcome — is at least partially rooted in the fear of failure. For me to empty myself of my over-controlling tendencies I must continually empty myself of this fear. I must be willing to fail; I must be willing to be humbled; I must be willing to be a part of something that was not fashioned by my preferences.
The stage of emptiness in community development is a time of sacrifice, and sacrifice hurts. Such sacrifice hurts because it is a kind of death, the kind of death that is necessary for rebirth. But even when we realize this intellectually, such dying is still a fearsome adventure into the unknown. Sometimes, members of the group will feel paralyzed between fear and hope — fear that the group is destructing, but hope that it is actually being reborn.
Community
The process of emptying provides room for a group to receive the gift of community. Differences still exist but they are no longer devastating. Instead, they are acknowledged, accepted, and transcended as people have committed, not to each getting his or her own way, but to being one Body in Christ. The people in community empathize with one another; there is a great level of understanding. Discussions, even when heated, never get sour and motives are not questioned. Members resolve conflicts with patience and grace. They listen and understand, respect each others’ gifts, accept each others’ limitations, celebrate their differences, and respectfully encourage each other to grow. They share each others’ pains, bind each others’ wounds, and commit to struggle for salvation together
rather than against each other.
A group in community is characterized by a sense of profound respect, appreciation, and joy. Everyone is stronger and wiser for having journeyed together. Then, the true meaning of community is realized — that there is no community without communion, and there is no communion without Christ.
Each of these stages — pseudo-community, chaos, emptiness, and community — is part of a healthy fellowship. The fellowship will continue to cycle through all the stages, and along the way will acquire skills that enable them to move confidently through the stages, instead of being stuck in places of division.
— adapted from Peck, M. Scott. The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace.
New York: Simon & Schuster, 1987.